Pretty Mama

When I was pregnant with Bubba and people told me I was glowing, I politely thanked them and then secretly felt like they were lying to me. Every part of me was puffy, and I was so, so tired, all of the time. None of that is cute when you also have a watermelon and two cantaloupes stuffed under your shirt. I usually don’t care about such things (boy mom), but as my pregnancy progressed, and I began to smell like a trucker who craved nachos, I started to feel like my body was somehow less mine, belonging instead to the powerful boyness that grew inside. Desperately clinging to the precious little femininity I had left, I painted my toenails and shaved my legs and applied makeup. Still, under eye bags and an increasingly ruddy complexion persisted. So, when I was 36 weeks, at the height of the sweaty, behemoth period of my pregnancy, I indulged in a few fancy skincare products.

I have never felt more girly, with the exception of one time in my early 20s when I treated myself to a set of acrylic nails (which, sidenote, did not make me as instantly classy as I had hoped). To ensure maximum usage, I set my new potions on my side table, next to the Tums (pregnancy heartburn can suck it), the Vicks vapor rub (pregnancy sinus congestion can suck it), and my book of Sudoku puzzles (fun at any stage of life). Every night I brushed my teeth, waddled to bed, dotted on some eye cream and skin soothing goodness, and chilled out with Sudoku. Then I spent the next 8 or so hours alternatively trying to find a comfortable sleeping position and waking myself up with my own snoring. Pregnancy is such a magical time.

Y’all. I wanted to feel girly so I bought some stuff. I didn’t expect any results, particularly because I attributed all skin changes to my temporary fleshy-mom-shell situation, but pretty much overnight my eyes brightened and depuffed, and my skin took on this smooth, luminescent quality. What the what! Suddenly I felt like a pretty mama, as glowy as everyone told me I was! I mean, I get that the glow folks refer to when speaking to a pregnant lady is that soon-to-be mama happiness shining out of her eyes, which is nice, but shut up when I feel uncomfortable and oily, amiright??

I’m now nearly 6 months postpartum and, though I haven’t had my hair done or touched my eyebrows since I was pregnant, I can happily report that I’m still feeling the skin love. If you are like me and wanting to feel pretty, I suggest you buy that fancy stuff you have had your eye on. Indulge! Soothe that peeling skin, rock that new handbag, go get that massage mama, and then you too will feel oh so glamorous while you clean up baby barf. Self care my friends. It’s the little things.

And now some video evidence/squirmy baby cuteness.

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Top 10 Things About Baby Teeth

Bubba boy has cut a few teeth lately! This means that his mouth has become a leaky faucet and that mama has learned some new things. Like that bibs match nothing and do very little and look silly and annoy baby’s neck. So, good they exist. Below are more things this really good boy mom has learned about baby teeth.

1. Babies like biting once they get teeth, and baby teeth are sharp! (Makes me glad my baby doesn’t suck on my boob for food. He does, however, currently enjoy biting my chin. Tiny zombie. Ye-ouch!)

2. Teething should not cause a fever! If baby has a fever while teeth are erupting you should check for other causes, like cold, flu, or ear infection.

3. Counter pressure helps. Actually pressing on baby’s gums where the tooth is erupting temporarily relieves baby’s pain.

4. Baby teeth typically show up around 6 months, but they can come early or late. Bubba got his first two pearly whites at 4.5 months.

5. Teething causes massive amounts of laundry, because drool. (Duh)

6. It’s common for baby to develop a little cough while teething. Excess saliva (drool) can leak down baby’s throat, causing irritation.

7. Excess saliva production while teething  also worsens acid reflux symptoms. Barf everywhere.

8. Baby teeth must be brushed!!! Babies can get cavities and tooth decay! Which may seem like common sense, but it’s a fact I didn’t know. Excellent boy mom over here.

9. Topical, over-the-counter teething gels are not recommended for use in babies. Gels of this sort typically contain lidocaine, which can speed up baby’s heart!!! Not excellent.

10. Babies younger than 6 months can have Tylenol every 4 hours to manage pain. For babies 6 months and older, you can alternate Tylenol and Motrin every two hours ( I was told). But always talk to your pediatrician about specifics for your babe.

BONUS: Teething is miserable but short lived. This too shall pass. And once they’re in, baby teeth are adorable!

Boy Mom

When I was 15 weeks pregnant I had lunch with a dear friend and fellow actress, who was thrilled to learn of my happy news. Even better, she said, that I was having a bouncing baby boy, because, in her opinion, I would be “a really good boy mom.” Hmm, I thought. Thanks, I said aloud. What is a boy mom, I wondered? And what makes a “really good” one?

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Could it be that she meant I will be fun for the boy, because I’m so loud and silly, and, because I’m artistic, the boy will be sure to enjoy much make believe and self-expression in our home, and my emotional maturity would definitely rub off on the kid?

Let me just pat myself on the back real quick…oh.

It’s because I’m disgusting.

Oh, that’s totally what she meant. I am such a girl because I love bright pink and Beyoncé, but I’m messy, I’m dirty, I’m frizzy, and I don’t really care; I go to the grocery store in running shoes and a greasy bun, and I buy Funyuns and a Coke to snack on while I shop for beef jerky and chips n dip. One time, I fished a spoon out of the dirty dish pile soaking in the sink and used it for my yogurt. If I’ve spilled my Skittles, I’ll eat them off the carpet/grass/sidewalk/asphalt/garbage pail because dirt don’t hurt. I’m gross, I guess.

Whatever, Skittles rock, and so what if they fall on the ground? But that irreverence of mine is so completely what she meant.

 

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So, a boy mom is a mom (i.e. Rockstar) who mothers a boy. Simple enough (haha, not). I fall into that category for sure. But, a really good boy mom like me has no discretion nor inclination to impress and so disturbs the normal, decent human beings in her vicinity with farts and candor. A really good boy mom like me will, say, grow a baby boy in her body and one day during that blissful pregnant period, after not showering for a week, exclaim to her (my) significant other that her (my) pits are starting to smell less like her (my) regular hearty musk and more like some dude’s dirty spunk. And then that really good boy mom will make that wonderful significant other smell those awesome pits.

So.

I don’t think my dear, sweet friend would qualify what she meant in so many words. She’d probably say she meant laid back, not overly girly, kinda don’t care about hygiene so much, etc, but those are kind ways to say “you’re disgusting.” And she was totally right. So alright, life is messy; as am I. I hear motherhood is messy, too. And boys love to be disgusting. A really good boy mom like me is good at disgusting in oh so many ways. (And destruction, and irreverence, and self-deprecating humor, etc. etc.). Maybe, then, I am as exactly cut out for this boy mom gig as anyone can get. Thus begins my journey into motherhood and this blog as well. Follow along if you’d like.

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